dating

A Kiss is Not a Contract. This, However, Is.

Posted on by Josepha

“As far as I’m concerned,” she said, “you don’t have a boyfriend.” I laughed because that’s all I could think to do. I couldn’t agree since I technically do have a boyfriend but I couldn’t disagree since we’re not really doing much together these days. So I laughed.

“Besides,” she continued, laying down Scrabble pieces, “he’s not good enough for you, anyway.”
“Now that’s not fair,” I protested. “He’s a fine person! Intelligent, attractive, well-paid. Anyway, what if we end up married? You’d have to come to our wedding and cast your mind back on the time you said he wasn’t good enough for me.”

There was a long silence as we calculated the most recent word score. “Eightteen?”

“Do you intend to marry him?” she asked. A good question, I know.
“Early days, man! Six months is not long enough to know anything about a person.”
“You are the slowest fast dater I’ve ever met.”

She’s right though. I go through boys like they were socks which can lead to some distress and general ‘hanging on longer than entirely necessary’. Yet at the same time I don’t force the issue. I give myself at least six months to be single after the conclusion of a relationship. I have as many dates as possible in that time eventually narrowing my scope to a boy that I actually want as my boyfriend. There is then a period of time, no shorter than six months, where we’re dating exclusively. Anytime thereafter either of us is allowed to approach the subject of SigOt Status.

During negotiations for SigOt Status (SOS, lol), I set my ground rules* and open the floor for additional ground rules to be discussed. We discuss whether it is entirely necessary to announce it via facebook and twitter or just do what normal people do and start showing up together at our friends’ functions. We indicate the importance of our friends to us and whether the SigOt should be prepared to spend time with them. Family importance is revealed and whether you should start advanced technical manuevers before meeting them.

Only upon completion of these steps are we required to introduce one another as “my boyfriend/girlfriend” or “my friend” if you’re around church ladies or your mother’s bridge club.

Sign and date. Pun intended.

* My Ground Rules, should you be wondering.
1. We will not move in together.
2. We will not purchase or adopt anything jointly.
3. We will have open communication.
4. We will respect one another.

Posted on by Josepha

Men and women, women and men. It will never work. *Erica Jong

In this grand world of political correctness and equality, everyone can expect the chance to succeed, nay, excel in whatever field they have chosen. While I am all over this equality thing, I have to admit that the work ethic that has been instilled in me provides a beautiful buffer against any sort of discrimination I might encounter. There is, however, a negative side to this equality thing and it has to do with dating.

There was a point at which women were demuring princesses and if a man wanted the pleasure of her company, he was in for some heavy pursuit. This is no longer the case, unfortunately. Now women are upstanding go-getters and if a man wants to date her, he has one of two options depending on the woman. It’s either a hard, fast relationship, or said gentleman can never find (or find time to spend with) said woman because of her many projects and work hours.

Men have begun to find themselves in no-man’s-land where they either have no work or too much trouble getting to the work of wooing any given woman. The result of this unfortunate ordeal, is that men have entirely forgotten the business of flirting and tend to run about with their emotions in a knot because they don’t know how to make it clear that they have a crush.

What we ladies want is to be charmed sometimes. Every once in a while, we are looking for you to become Fred Astaire and soft-shoe us to sleep or become John Truitt and protect us from mice while we turn off the lights… Figuratively speaking, surely.

So men, suck it up and be a little chivalrous sometimes. Defend our honor, our ideas and our concerns. Be prepared for a little excitement! Relationships are not meant to be easy until you find that one you want to stay with forever, and then you should be prepared to work harder than ever.

get to it!  Sincerely, Pokey