Shedding Light | not heat

So what can we conclude from these things. Lots.

First, we can assume that a friendship between a guy and girl will be hard to maintain at that level. If both people say they are not attracted to the other in any way, probably someone is lying. This immediately creates an imbalance of power and interests.

Let’s look at Person A. We will assume s/he cares more about the other person.

Person A holds more than a passing concern for Person B and as a result will go out of their way to please Person B in an effort to be more dateable in B’s mind. This leaves B with a great amount of power. The power to accept and decline, to give hope and take it all away. Sounds rough, doesn’t it?

Well it is! Person A is hoping that Person B will suddenly think that A is wonderful! Person A will do any number of things to impress B. Person A will brave the snow to help carry packages, suffer through hideous shopping/sports adventures and say or do things that will cause them to be more noticable. Person A is hoping that by putting a lot into the friendship, it will someday blossom into a relationship.

However, Person B does hold only a passing concern for Person A.

Usually, Person B does not even realize s/he is in this situation. B feels that the relationship is purely plutonic and often can find themselves inadvertantly adding insult to injury. Not only does B not notice that A is falling “in love” but then is often found asking A for advice on relationships. Ouch.

If we assume that Person B at some point realizes the imbalance of interests, we can then assume that two of three things will almost inevitably happen. First is a choice. Person B finds him or herself in the tough position of leveling with Person A or continuing to pretend s/he doesn’t know. Either way, Person B will play this to his or her advantage.

Because Person B now knows that A is desperately seeking B’s attention, B (whether conciously or sub-conciously) will make the most of it by asking Person A for favors, calling Person A for any little thing and generally being jerks. But hey! Person A doesn’t notice because Person B is finally paying some attention to them! Who cares if Person A is about to get his or her heart ripped out! Everyone else knows that Person B is only interested in being friends! Besides, I already made it clear that I only wanted to be friends when I refused all advances and asked about my other relationships. It’s their fault if they get taken in.

Um… ‘scuse me. Who do you think you are!? This only actually works if you actually said the words, “I am not interested in dating you.” And let’s face it, that’s a rough thing to say so generally people do not say that.

SO here’s how it really turns out. Person A tries and tries. On some level, Person B realizes what’s going on and reacts to this new friend who gives anything to spend time together and help. Person B uses Person A without ever mentioning that s/he is only in it for friendship. Person A thinks this new attention is the result of days/weeks/years of showering you with help, compliments, time and energy. So Person A gets closer and closer and eventually asks Person B out on a date.

Person B then does a sexy Salsa dance on Person A’s heart and *poof* everyone is unhappy. Person A has no friend in and no respect for Person B and Person B has no one to fawn over them anymore.

Wow. The things I learn by watching the people who come through the office.